If you follow my Facebook you probably already know about my consultation with the medical oncologist. Well, I thought I would give you all the details of the events of today. First, I saw my plastic surgeon Dr Roughton. I sort of royally screwed myself because I worked out yesterday and holy jesus I was in a lot of pain today. So much so that at one point I felt like my upper chest was on fire. I get phantom pain in my chest area - and that was in full force today and still ongoing. By the time I saw medical oncology, I was crying in agony. Soooo yeah, I did breakdown eventually.
I will be undergoing chemotherapy and taking herceptin. My type of chemotherapy is not as bad as some, but I will have some of the same side effects, just not at the same intensity. For 12 weeks I will be going in for chemotherapy treatments once a week. You have to sit in a chair for 90 minutes so that is something I am not looking forward to. During this time, I will be doing herceptin treatments (which is also IV) once every 3 weeks for a full year. So, since both drugs are IV based, I decided on getting a portacath placed inside me so I don't have to be IVed several times. Basically, this treatment plan will eradicate any lingering cancer cells that are looking for a nutrient source.
I will admit to you, this has not been the easiest road to travel on. Depression hits a bit hard when you can't workout and your body has changed on you. Chemotherapy will force my hair to fall out, and I will go bald for a period of time. The hormone therapy in pill form I will be taking for 5-10 years. The goal for me is to go into remission - I am not there yet and won't be for an entire year. That can be a hard pill to swallow. I can't exercise for another week or so - basically there are some areas that have not healed from the double mastectomy.
I am prepared to undergo chemotherapy. I did have an odd experience with the cancer support coordinator. She was a PA-C that decided to practice in psychiatry. One thing I will tell you, in my own mind I can really only handle one big hurdle at a time. Trying to dig into my past and deal with some of that bullshit is really for another time. It always feels weird when you feel pressured to talk about your experiences in life, especially since I have made the decision to not let those situations define me. One piece of advice I would probably give her is that I can face cancer head on, but the rest of the bullshit will have to wait.
I am a bit of a realist - it is impossible to stay positive 100% of the time, and today was one of those days that positivity was just impossible.