OH man, I am tired. Well, I finally have a desk. I ran over and got a desk and put it together in about 20 minutes. It is pretty basic, but works for what I need. Typing on the ground was making my back hurt! Luckily, I still can still put shit together relatively quickly even though I am constantly tired. Yes, many ladies put EVERYTHING in their own homes together (many strong military spouse ladies I know around here are the shit).
I said I would write a blog post about my Advanced Directive, Power of Attorney, and End of Life Will. At the age of 31 this isn't usually something you think about, especially a WILL. I mean, honestly, most of us have not amassed that much wealth to distribute properly among family members. Since Jim and I have moved so much, I have been extremely reluctant to buy a house because I wanted the house I bought to be lived in for at least 10 years in order to build equity - BUT enough about that. In my case, because cancer is so unpredictable, I had to have all of these things set in place in order to protect my own interests, my husband, and my sister. I wrote a blog post about this before, but actually DOING IT was much tougher than I anticipated. I know they try to make it as harmless as possible, but yikes. I am not going to lie to any of you - I cried while putting all of it together. The reason is, at 31 - you don't truly think about your own mortality unless you have a job that forces you to. Yes, there are hazardous jobs in the world that you HAVE to have these things put in place, but for the average person, this isn't really the norm of things. Having cancer made me think about things that I didn't want to really think about. I had to think about the worst case scenario in every situation - what if something catastrophic happens during surgery? What if the cancer spreads all over and my life is severed? Ugh, just all of it is hard to think about and hard to process. I am happy that I was alone to do this - I don't think I could have done this with my husband or family around. These decisions are deeply personal, and I just couldn't do any of it near anyone. I also wrote letters to those closest to me to accompany my will. Sometimes, you just have to say things that you just don't want to say while you're alive. Am I thinking I am going to die? No, I',m not, but I have NEVER been in a situation where I had to think about end of life. I wanted to make sure everything was set in stone and that those I love know that I Love them.
For others in a similar situation, it is best that you cover your ass and the ass of those you love. I have seen A LOT of fighting within families because something unexpected happened and no one knew or EVERYONE thought they knew exactly what the individual wanted. When you don't legally bind your wishes, it can turn into a free-for-all with family and friends. This was my way of protecting everyone and letting everyone know that these wishes were MY OWN and no one else. Sometimes you may think you know someone, but what they actually want is completely different from your own thoughts.
For the people that will make the toughest decisions for me, it makes things easier for them because they know exactly what I want in each situation. Only two people are allowed to make decisions on my behalf, and I made that clear within my legal documents. If you are in a similar space, this should be within your legal papers as well. You want those you trust and know will do what you ask to make the hardest decisions for you.
Just some insight from someone who is in that space.
Much love to all of you,