Well, tonight is my last night with my real breasts. Honestly, I am really okay with this situation as my breasts have been hurting me for the past month. So, I apologize in advanced for any typos, ect. because I am in a hotel room writing this and the WiFi sucks ass - like every damn hotel you go to.
I have to be at UNC at 6:30 AM, and that is damn early - but the surgery starts at 8:00 AM. I would be lying out of my ass if I said I wasn't scared. Yes, I am scared shitless. This surgery is incredibly invasive and I will be out for roughly 5 hours. I have no idea what to expect afterward. All I know is that I will be staying the night at the hospital before we head back home to our area.
One thing I will say is that having my husband and my sister Ashley here has been a true blessing to me. When I was hurting the most, my sister knew how to make me laugh and calm me down. Both James and Ashley have calm demeanors and that is lifesaving when you get nervous. Having both of them here has made this experience run smoother for me and I am forever thankful for both of them. I love them both for the sacrifices they made to be by my side during this time. During a time like this, I have to say, having a support system, no matter how small, can make a huge difference in how you react and feel to a scary situation.
Tonight is the last night I will ever have real breast tissue or nerves in my chest. I am afraid of what else they may find, and if I will lose some of my pectoralis major muscle since the tumor is located around that area. I won't really know 100% of what they performed until after it is completed. I have full trust in my physicians to do a great job and essentially keep me alive.
I will be offline for sometime in that I will have drainage tubes hanging out of my body for 7 days. It will be hard to update you guys, but if you follow me on FB, I will let you know that I am alive and if the surgery was successful.
Thank you for all of your loving thoughts, donations, love, prayers, and letters you all have sent. Some of you have even seen me in the hospital and spent some time with myself and Jim (Paul! Thank you). I have gotten many text messages and I read all of them and try to reply back. Thank you all for thinking of me during this time.
after I heal from surgery will be the next large step: Chemotherapy. To be continued...